Last Thought for the Day

Most women are often misdiagnosed with Ovarian Cancer when in fact they have some form of PMP. If you do have surgery and they find PMP and want to start chemotherapy ask for a second opinion first.
The chemotherapy makes it harder to do some surgeries if it is PMP of any form. Radiation therapy does not work on PMP, doesn’t do anything to it. PMP is mucus looks like amber colored Jello, not solid. The color for the ribbons of PMP or Cancer of Appendix if we would make them is amber. Really make some time some time to do research or if you can‘t fathom it right now have someone else do it. If you truly think about it, you really need to have a second, third or even fourth opinion. Make sure you take or send all your work up papers with you, x-rays, ct scans, all blood work that was done, tissue samples or slides, pathology reports etc. Most doctors will send them for you or have them ready for you to take. Start you own file, some people get the x-rays or scans originals or copies, some doctors do them on CDs now ask them for your preferred way. I received all the copies of the final reports, path, surgery, x-rays, ct scans, blood etc and put them in a three ring binder, which is getting loaded and have to buy another soon. Take someone with you; some times you don’t hear everything said because you are focusing on what he just said so much information in a short amount of time at his office.
Visit the PMP Information Site, the doctors who specialize in PMP are listed there and there is a wealth of information that is there and added to regularly. If you want you can email me, just hit the link and post.

Giving Thanks

Thank God for Mike and my sons. How he hates the hospital he was with me every day, as much as he could. He and Sam would take turns staying the night for the second surgery. Mike was with me most of the time for the surgeries, but I could see how it was affecting him. He looked tired, worried, but he never said he was. He kept saying you are going to be all right. He was my strength and my rock through all of this. I remember my appetite was lousy and I got hungry for a strawberry milkshake from Cook Outs and a slice of New York pizza. He went and got them for me with the doctor’s ok. Doctor said anything that would help me eat and help start moving the bowels would be all right. Cookout and New York Pizza are on opposite sides of the city, but he went for me. I will never forget what all he had done for me. Mike did everything for me, encouraging me to eat, encouraging me to walk, helping me with everything and then he did all the things I used to do in the house. He cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, run the sweeper everything. I am blessed to have him as my husband, friend and lover. My boys really did the best they could, they also hate hospitals I am proud of them for helping their dad out when he needed them the most. They are the future; they gave me a different source of strength and courage to fight on just by looking at them and seeing the future in their eyes.
To the question of "Why Me?"..."Why not?" God will not give me more then I can handle and with Him I can handle what is given. It took some time to really understand that, but I know now that I can handle what is given to me. I did not say that it would be easy, sometimes it might be but this time it was hard ...to really face death and to come to terms with it, accept it and say ... I am ready to die. You never know what the outcome will be when you go to surgery. You expect to come out, but some don't. Never under estimate the power of prayer, so many people prayed for me and I am thankful they did.
Really how do we know where we will be in 5, 10 or 20 years? God willing I will be around to make it for 10 years after surgery. I will be 62 years old...oh my I will be getting old. Lol :) I did have my doctor from Duke University and the other from Wake Forest Medical Center. I had the best with out even realizing it at the time. Prayer does wonders. I could not have survived with out faith in God and know that there is a plan for me; it might not be the one I had in mind, but his.

Catching Up

It will be 3 years in August 2008, since I had the 2nd surgery and heated chemotherapy I feel great. My C.T. Scans, X-Rays and blood work have been normal. I have appointments every 6 months... March and September.
My eldest graduated from Northeastern University in May 2008. I am so proud of him. He took off 6 months of school to come home and help out I am so grateful for that. Now sometime this year he will be moving to New York, a little closer to home, to start his journey of life. I really found out that I love Boston it is a beautiful city to explore and visit. Now I get to discover a brand new city to me... in the New York City Washington Heights area. His girl friend goes to Columbia University and they will be getting an apartment near by. He will also try get a job close by but he might have to travel some depends on where the job is located in the city. My other son is now a senior in high school. He is driving and still wants to work on cars. So we will be here in Greensboro for at least 4-5 years. Then we will be off to some other place to live for awhile then who knows.

2nd Recovery

Most of 2005 I don't remember, parts of 2006 and 2007. Fell 3 times when I had gotten home chalked it up to a new learning experience, on what not to do with my weak knee. Took time with my walking at first, always looking down to see where I was going and to make sure I would not fall. I know I was sick and some of my pictures I look like death warmed over, but I survived. Having 2 surgeries within 4 months of each other took a toll on my body and strength; I was overweight to begin with I had lost some weight. Really my appetite disappeared until Jan 2006 then it came back, gained the weight I had lost due to surgery and chemo. I slept most of 2005 away, tired, no appetite, but slowly I came back. I slept downstairs on an inflatable bed for the first surgery it was 2 months or longer. I couldn't go up the stairs in the house. We have 15 steps going up to the second level I still remember the first time I did that took each step one at a time using my right leg first. It took me a while to go upstairs then I lay down on the bed, which felt so good I went to sleep for an half an hour. When I got up I went an took a shower, the slowest one I ever had, then laid back down on the bed and went to sleep for another half an hour. With my left knee weak, I still had to exercise it I would do them on the bed laying down or while sitting in the chair. Could not stand long enough to cook dinner, do the dishes, do laundry, run the sweeper, dust or anything. We did go to San Diego for a short vacation in July 2005 before the second surgery. It was nice to relax beside the pool. Just started to recover then I had the other surgery 4 months after the first. The 2nd surgery I felt better quicker but still had difficulty doing things around the house. Company came for a week. Mike was away on business he had to go and finish the job he had started. Really depended upon my 2 sons then planned for company to be there for the weekend, but found out it was for a week. That really took a lot of energy out of me then to try and be pleasant is hard when you really don’t feel well. Sons did the cleaning and cooking as much as possible. So it was hard, I still slept a lot, and was dizzy; realized that it was from the medications needed to take pills with food. That was then and things have gotten much better. It took me a year and half to fully recover from the surgeries. They say you need I month of full recovery for each hour you are under anesthesia. I still have problems get short of breathe and tired when doing too much. Asthma only smoked all together 1 packs of cigarettes in my whole life if. My dad did smoke up to 4 packs a day when he stopped I lived at home until I was 24and both brothers smoked. When I started working there was only 3 of us who did not smoke .There are now plenty studies out now about the effects of second hand smoke… causes asthma. Get tired spells, just takes me over and have to sleep. Will be getting that checked out.

Check Up

4 weeks later went back for a check up in September 2005. CT Scans of chest, abdomen and pelvis, x-rays of chest PA and LAT, blood work where all done again. It was real scary; I knew if my blood work levels did not drop...he did not get it all. I was nervous, anxious, upset felt like I wanted to throw up and still get that way when I go for a check up. What if something showed up on the ct scan or x-ray? What if the blood work was off? I was sure before we arrived that it was gone, but waiting in the doctor's exam room for him to come in is an eternity. Questions go running through your mind again and again silently, even if you feel everything is all right. He came in examined me. Helped me up and said "You made our office proud. I see no evidence of growth of tumor or mucus any where. Blood levels dropped." I was so happy I hugged him. Then we said thank you very much Mike was with me. I was so happy and thanking God as we were walking down the corridor to the parking garage. I was smiling from ear to ear.

Second Surgery

On August 20, 2005 I had my second surgery which was also 11 hours, but 4 of these was the chemo Mitomycin C. This time Dr. Levine took out my intra-abdominal port for drawing blood or to do chemo through, spleen, small lobe of liver, gall bladder, wedge of my diaphragm, my appendix which decided to regrow- took it all and all of cecum, some mucus fluid that was starting to build up in my pelvis not much this time and a total omenectomy. Right after surgery I went to ICU and stayed overnight then I went to a regular floor room the next morning. While in ICU I remember looking at the door across from my bed it was 7pm, the clock was above the door, it opened and walking in was Mike and my sons they never looked so good then at that moment I realized I made it through the surgery all right.
I had a lot more tubes: really hated that N-G tube, feeding tube, had a chest tube on my left side, Foley catheter into bladder plus two stents into the ureter, plus urine drainage bag, 2 j-p drainage tubes, plus IV, pain medication pump and oxygen mask, by the 5th day most where gone. I had some nerve damage done to my left leg found out when they first tried to help me out of bed; I collapsed onto the chair barely making it. I could not feel or use my left leg from my knee down complication from a long surgery and due to the position of my leg. He ordered me physical therapy while in the hospital. Could not lift my leg if my life depended on it; had to exercise it regularly. I needed help to get up from the bed or chair and I had to use a walker while in the hospital, at home I used a cane for walking for a while. My appetite was still less than desirable, but finally the day came when they took out the feeding tube, yeah. The feeding tube and the N-G tube where uncomfortable glad when both were out I was able to breathe better. The ride home was longer this time thirty minutes depending on the traffic. I remember the morning well Dr. Levine said I would go home if I got up more that day and walked. He also said it might be later in the day. All my tubes and finally the I.V.’s came out. Sam came in that day and heard so he got me up and walking. The second time we walked down the hall away from the nurses’ station I started a little dancing jig saying I’m going home, I’m going home. Sam and I were laughing. The nurse came in and said no you are going home in the morning, I said no I’m going home tonight Dr. Levine said I would.
One half hour later his intern came in tired looking he had a long day. He said I was ready to go home when I saw you dancing in the hall and singing with your son and decided to send you home tonight. Sam had all ready left so I had to call Mike to come and get me. I was really happy to go home and sleep in my bed with my pillows. I forgot to bring them with me again.

My Check Up and Planning the Next Step

I was healing well no signs of infection. During my two week check up we had to decide the next step. The cardiologist wanted to do the cardiac cath. I still could not lay flat long enough to do it I said no. I never went back to him. At the time I did not know that there was other doctors who deal with PMP, but I knew I needed a specialist. Did some reading on the Internet, I found a video of the surgery that was done in Italy and saved the bookmark, but at this time could not watch it. We where referred to an oncologist at Wesley Long hospital. We went for my appointment and he reviewed everything, but was at a loss about what to do. He printed off some information for me to read, which I did. It was from Dr. Surgarbaker about PMP. Then said maybe we should try to go to Wake Forrest Medical Center. He would bring up my case in the Tumor board meeting and then after seeing the doctor at Wake we could make a decision. I read the small article of Dr. Surgarbaker, then did a search of him and read all the information I could that he had out at the time. It was disturbing, frightening at least, you loose a lot of internal organs if you go to him and it might not work. He was in Washington D.C., 4 hours away that would be hard to do. Where would I put my son? Would I go alone? Could they travel back and forth? Rent a room at a hotel there? I don't think so. My family is in Pennsylvania it is just us and friends here. We went to see Doctor Levine in June 2005. I had a long list of questions for him along with the article from Dr. Sugarbaker and so did Mike have his own questions to ask. He examined me, and then we talked. We where there over an hour listening and asking. He sent my ct scans, x-rays, pathology slides and blood work to be reviewed by his doctors at Wake. Before we left he had given me information to read about the surgery and chemo. He told me that the other doctor did not get everything out and I would be a good candidate if I decide to go ahead. Just call to make the date for the surgery. He would take out what was needed and no more. He was caring, understanding and answered all our questions until we fully understood what the operation involved. June 16th had a check up with a cardiologist at Wake to see if I could have the surgery done and also had a Colonoscopy to see if it invaded the colon or had colon cancer.
You really have to trust and believe in your self, but also your doctor. You are going to see him for a long period of time- at least 5 years-and it has to feel right between you and him. You are trusting him with your life. He has to have experience in what he is doing. We went home, I read the information Dr. Levine gave me. PMP does not act like most cancers. Most cancers spread in three different ways: (i) by invading nearby tissues, (ii) via the bloodstream, (iii) via the lymphatic system. PMP, however, spreads along the internal surfaces within the abdomen, rather than into nearby tissues such as the bowel or liver. Its mucus, a jelly-like substance, collects in the peritoneum, a kind of lining of the cavity of the abdomen. It may be many years before symptoms of this type of cancer manifest themselves. He told me that I probably had this for more then 4 or 5 years maybe 6. The information he gave me was blunt, you could die on the table, from complications from the chemo or surgery. The chemo is heated to 103-107 degrees F. then put into the abdominal cavity for 1 and half hours after the surgery is completed. I also had seen my first doctor for his opinion and he had a suggestion of 6 months of intra-abdominal chemotherapy 5FU then we would wait to see what would happen with follow up ct scans and blood work. I finally watched that video from Italy, the whole surgery, to see what would happen, to understand. June 20 was the re-evaluation from the doctor at Wesley, it was an interesting visit. Told him what the doctor said then asked what the Tumor Board said. He said he did not present me to the meeting since I was going to see them at Wake Forrest. I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean swimming helplessly alone with out a lifesaver. I felt like I slipped down a large hole with no where to escape and no one to recuse me. I was angrily, wanted to cry, scream all at the same time. I felt that he a doctor had totally abandoned me. I blocked everything out, but I did hear Mike say to him "She will be alive in 10 years." That doctor had given me at most 6 months to live. We left never to see him again.made a Will and a Living Trust Will . The Trust will was for my own peace of mind. I knew what I did not what if it came to me being in a coma for the rest of my life and gave Power of Attorney to my husband, to carry out my wishes. I went to see a cardiologist at Wake who worked me up to see if I could have the surgery or not. If my heart could not take it, I could not have the surgery. I asked him if I needed a cardiac cath and he said no. My problem was more electrical eventually I will need a pacemaker. I never went back to the other doctor, called him and said I have a new cardiologist. My Colonoscopy was normal and my heart would be able to withstand the chemo and surgery. I listen to others and their suggestions, but it all comes back to you. You have to make the final decision. You are having the surgery. You are having the new chemotherapy. You might live... but you may also die.

Effexor

The doctor ordered Effexor, it is used for depression, but they found it can help people who have hot flashes. I took the pill in the morning. That evening Mike was getting ready to leave to go home for the night, at that time he and Christie was taking turns spending the night with me. I thought I could spend the night by my self. Mike just left to go home when panic settled in. Could not sleep, felt jittery and kept hearing " Don't fall asleep, you will not wake up." Kept looking around the room. Just fell asleep and saw dark puffy clouds swirling around me, but did not feel the wind. I heard myself say interesting but could not see anything else around. The clouds were swirling upward I remember looking up at them, large dark clouds swirling like a tornado, then I looked down. I was standing on smooth brown rock like a cliff. There was an edge, I walked closer to it and looked down. It was pitch black in the middle with the clouds swirling up around me. Abyss, I just knew that there wasn't a bottom to it. I was standing there just looking, my toes where on the edge of the rock. I was quiet an experience to watch, no one else around me, just the clouds. Then I heard someone or thing say-" go head and jump", but I just stood there. I heard myself say that is surely a long way down it has to be bottomless. The middle was black as night and I felt nothing was there and emptiness about it. I looked up again and there white puffy clouds at the top edges with sunlight trying to come through. I then clearly heard someone say " If you jump, you will not wake up." I woke up and was shivering, and felt jumpy looked around the room several times. I called Mike who just arrived home a little while ago, and asked him to come back. He did I did not tell him or anyone what I felt or heard or saw. Just told him I felt uncomfortable. He slept in the chair beside my bed, facing me, so if I woke up I could see his face. I held onto his foot and slept a very deep sleep. The nurse brought in Effexor again in the morning to take and I refused it. She was quiet upset and said the doctor ordered this for you to take, I said I'm not going to take it anymore. He came in and I explained to a certain extent about the side effect I had, he discontinued it. Never took Effexor again, never will. You have to be real careful when they order medication for you. It may work which is great, or in my case you may have side effects that you have to tell them so they can discontinue it

My Brother

I knew when I had that heart attack, at the end of January 2005. My brother Wayne had Cancer of the Lung and was not doing well. I had a feeling that he was going to die when my sister called to tell me he wasn't doing well on the 31st of December 2004. I knew when I talked with her that I would be going to Pittsburgh to see him; I did not know how long I would be there. I drove to Pittsburgh from Greensboro to see him one last time before he died. I set my clock for 6 am to get up and left to go to see him one last time. I got to talk with him one last time, even though he was in a coma, I knew he heard every word I said to him. I knew he did not want me to come up earlier to visit him; he did not want me to remember him that way. He would have wanted me to remember him sitting in the kitchen at the table talking to me with a cup of coffee looking at the goldfish swimming in the pond out back. The trip to Pittsburgh usually takes 8 -9 hours depending on how often I stopped. Looking back now, I realize why I had to stop so much; the extra fluid building up in my abdomen was pushing on my bladder. I made that trip in 7 hours by the grace of God who was driving. My brother peacefully died in his sleep. When I came back to Greensboro, I did a lot of crying. My back and shoulders filled with tension that ached at times and I felt stressed out. It stayed that way for a while, I did not think that it could be caused from the heart at the time. Was watching TV one evening rubbing my shoulder and felt a pop in my neck, then all the stress and tension went away.

Recovering

Moving was very interesting at first I did have a morphine pump to help with the pain. They get you up so you don't get pneumonia from the first day post-op while you are attached to several tubes. I had an I.V, the pain drip pump, Foley catheter going into the bladder with bag, 2 j-p drains and an intra abdominal port for drawing blood or to give chemo through. I was sore in places I thought I would never be, from the position they have you in to do the surgery. My right shoulder was sore for the longest time, found out it was positioned up above my head so the doctor could operate on me. Loved sitting in the rocking chair, one day while sitting in the rocking chair, I had what I called the hot flash from hell. I had a fan on me, had two wet wash cloths one on my neck and the other I was wiping my face and had a blanket around my shoulders. All of a sudden my feet felt hot, then my legs, arms, chest. I took off the blanket, re-wet the wash cloths; put one on my neck the other on top of my head. Then swoosh of heat that was intense like fire started at my feet and went out the top of my head, the two wash cloths were dry, to this day it was the only one I had. The heat was nothing like I ever experienced before in my life.
One night I put the head of my bed all the way up I was wheezy and it was very hard to breathe. I called the nurse she went and called the on call doctor. She came back with an inhaler I told her that I needed more then that. Around 6 am he finally ordered a nebulizer treatment that really helped some. My doctor came in around 8 am he thought I might have developed pulmonary emboli. They ran tests, and gave me I.V. lasix. The lasix really help, didn't know one person could go to the bathroom so much in one day. It got rid of the excess fluid built up and I felt so much better. He ordered a cardiologist to come by and he ran some tests. The cardiology doctor said" you had a heart attack with in the last 4 months and you have left bundle branch block (L.B.B.B). I want to do a cardiac cath tomorrow." I declined I still could not totally lay flat, which you have to do for the cardiac cath. He tried to have it done before I left the hospital, I did not have it done. In a matter of 10 days I was told no you don't have ovarian cancer, just P.M.P, you had a silent heart attack, asthma and L.B.B.B. I went home on heart medications for the L.B.B.B.

Surgery

The day has arrived for my surgery not really as anxious as I thought I would be feeling relived that it is here April 20, 2005. Never had been under anesthesia that long, the longest was one hour a long time ago to take out my tonsils. The doctor said it would be an eight hour surgery, if everything goes all right.
I remember seeing the ceiling rush by going to my room for a brief second and thinking I made it, thank you God, I remember saying it several times. I did not have to go to the ICU, I went straight to my room after being in the recovery room. My surgery was long 11 hours he said eight, he ran into some problems, because it wasn't Ovarian. He wanted to try and get everything out that he could see the best he could out. The next day he came in and said “there is good news and there is bad news. It wasn't Ovarian Cancer; it was Pseudomyxoma Pertionei (PMP) Cancer of the Appendix a very rare cancer that 1 in a million people get.” He removed my uterus, fallopian tubes, both ovaries: my right one had a tumor on it that weight 10 pounds; cervix, (complete hysterectomy), appendix with a small piece of cecum, wedge piece of stomach, two-three liters of mucus fluid build up on organs, scraped my liver, spleen and diaphragm from mucus build up. I asked him if he got it all out, and he said yes, I believed him.

Getting Ready

You start thinking about the things you are going to miss out on; the blue skies, stars at night, butterflies, the first fire flies of summer, sounds of laughing and the water from the fountain in the pond. My younger son who wants to learn how to drive and him is yearning to date. Son graduating from high school, and college, then opens up his own automotive shop to work on cars. My son settling down getting married and having children. My older son has finished high school but is two years from graduating from college. To see him start his new job, and then find a house to live in; to see him married and having plenty of children. Then me missing out on my sons beautiful weddings with all the fuss and beautiful grand kids to play with and spoil. Watching the final games on TV with Mike, be it basketball, football or soccer. Sitting and having good conversation with one another over a cup of fresh brewed tea. Not able to take any more trips with my husband. We love to travel; we have been to several places I really wanted to see. I really get short of breathe and tired, but I take my time. I put it all too mid-life aging, it wasn't. We have been talking about retiring in an exciting place, I like the Mediterranean area. Leaving behind the people that you love very much and they love you.
My husband who is my best friend, listener, lover, always there for me, to say I might die from this, was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. I really hated it, put it of, but I had to tell him. He was alone it was very late at night; he could have fainted, or had a heart attack. I prayed about how to tell him. Just as hard for me to tell my sons. He said Mom you are going to be fine. I just know it. My sons are so young and full of life. I really could not tell my older son at the time, just couldn't. He was away at college in Boston. Mike wanted to tell him, I said no. He doesn't need this extra worry at this time. At the time of my surgery, he was studying for finals. He found out after my surgery was finished and his finals were done. He was so angry about that, but I did not want me to get in the way of his exams. I did not want him to have the added pressure of having to take his exams at a different time. I did not want him to worry about me at that time. There would be plenty of time for that after he was finished. He came home after the exams to help out. He also said mom you are going to be fine.
We all have some belief of a power greater then ours, Faith. We never really grasp it meaning, until we are faced with trouble, sickness or death. I reached out for more comfort, in those two weeks before my first surgery. I started reading the Q'uran, praying and believing that I would be all right. A lot of people prayed for me from all over the USA and over seas. I always believed in God from when I was younger and prayed. I am not going to die, not yet. After much soul searching and praying, I made peace with myself. I placed my life into the hands of God.

Surgery Date Settled

Do I go to Duke University, or Wake Forrest. I did a lot of praying the entire time I was having the tests done, which started March 5, 2005. As we sat in his office on April 6th 2005, we talked options. I liked Duke University in Durham and Wake Forrest Medical Center in Winston-Salem, they have the best research centers in the state. He said his friend is a cancer specialist at Duke, but he also comes to Greensboro twice a month to Wesley Long Hospital to do surgeries. So he set up the appointment, doctor agreed with all the results. He said we should do it as soon as possible, next week. Next week I wasn't even digesting what I heard and now next week for major surgery. I almost said yes, but Mike was not home. He was away on business overseas. I needed time to think to digest this all, too much information right now. The doctor was talking and faintly I heard him say "How about April 19, 2005" for surgery date and I said all right. Life as you know it is never the same again.

Finding Out

I went to see my doctor when I thought I had bronchitis, it seems so long ago now at the end of Feb 2005. I had an x-ray done to see if I did have bronchitis. The doctor’s office called and said we need you to do another x-ray. Why I asked, something looks suspicious. You have water in your abdomen. You know that water in the abdomen is not good. The doctor orders CT Scans first your chest, then another your abdomen, then the last your pelvis. Your body takes over for you. You really can't concentrate on anything. This just isn't happening to me. You start to search for answers on the Internet. What are the cause’s ascites; the four causes are Heart problems, kidney problems, infection, or cancer. You hope the cause is one of the first three. Then the final "What did I do to get this?" and "Why?" On April 4 2005 you hear the doctor say" You have Ovarian Cancer Stage 4." Your brain turns off and keeps repeating "Cancer" over an over I hear nothing else he is saying to me. I cried in his office, did a lot of crying those two weeks, everything is a blur. My doctor is in Family practice, not a specialist. I really need a specialist. Mike was not home, he was away on business overseas. I needed time to think, Mike needed time to come home. I did talk with him on the 4th; it was so hard to tell him when he was overseas. He was so far away. It seemed like a million miles. What a shock that had to be to him, when I called and said I'm sick and they think I might have cancer, Ovarian Cancer. I could hear it in his voice, the despair and disbelief. So much to do in so little time. How I dreaded calling him and saying "I have to have surgery. I have cancer of the ovary." The dreaded word we all hate and fear to hear, Cancer, but stage 4, the worst possible stage to have. They would do surgery to take what they could, then maybe I would have chemo or radiation, or both, but at what cost to quality of life. I don't want to be a burden on any one. Will have to see if it metastasizes anywhere else. If it did I don't think I will do anything more then surgery and maybe some chemo. Stage 4 not much they can do, not much hope, mostly palliative, to do what they can to make you comfortable. Working as a nurse long ago has blessings and curses. Ironic when I did work, I was on a floor that took care of people with Lung breathing problems, Brain Cancer, Lung Cancer and some Breast cancer. When I worked overseas I worked with all kinds of Cancer, some I had never seen at all here in the U.S. Then all the questions of why me? How do I tell them? Do I call my family up north or wait? How can I do that? Am I going to die? And finally, am I ready to die? So many questions, some without answers keep swirling in your mind like a tornado. You try to sleep and questions are still there, your body goes on automatic, like you’re in a dream and you will wake up and this won't be happening to you.

We Take Our Life For Granted

We all take our life for granted, without realizing that we are doing so. When do we stop and take time to listen and enjoy our surroundings? To take a long walk, read a good book, to take a vacation without taking work with you. To really look at a sunrise or sunset, to look at the moon and star filled sky and enjoy the moment. When something bad happens to us is when. Accidents, someone dies or you find out you have Cancer. The worst word in our language, it invokes the worst fear in everyone, no matter who you are or where you live. We all think the worst is going to happen to us, death. We all wake up and go to sleep without thinking, and then we think are we going to wake up? We go to work, then are we able to go back to work at all? Some are able to bounce right back and go to work; others aren’t able to do so. We all have our chosen paths to go on when we are born, along the way we make our choices, some good some bad. Do we choose to have this disease, did we do something wrong in our life to cause this upon our self? No, but now we have to fight this and fight it to the end. Win or lose, we will put up a good fight.