Ever since my operations I start wondering "Why am I here." A lot of others have the worse kind, why not me? Yes it is 3 years, do I feel like it will come back..all the time. I know I should be optimistic, but those feeling creep in sometimes. I am thankful to God I am alive. Holidays are the worst, thinking about others who have died from this cancer. At Thanksgiving let us all give thanks for all who have departed and that those of us left behind are here because of them and what we learned from them.
I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
3 YEAR CHECK UP
It has been three years now since my 2nd operation. PMP side all clear on ct scans and chest x-ray; blood work CEA normal range. Heart is stable for now down the road something will have to be done. I have a Left Bundle Branch Block found on the first surgery. I am here alive and kicking after two major and life threatening surgeries and I am thankful to GOD be here.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
BEAUTY of NATURE
This afternoon while washing dishes I looked outside through the widow across the yard and up the hill there was a mother doe with her two young ones eating care free with no worries. It made me smile and filled my heart with joy, our housing plan is 19 years + or - years old. There used to be a lot of deer roaming around our house when we bought it then it stopped. I thought they moved to another location, occasionally one would show up briefly then would not see them for awhile. A red fox also walked by twice going up the sewer drainage path then he turned around and walked back into the woods. Haven’t seen a fox for a long time here it was refreshing to see him and the deer both out and about the neighborhood.
With all the new building of apartment complexes in the neighborhood going up it is nice to sit down and enjoy the wild life, as the circle of life continues without us as they have adapted to their new surroundings. Every spring the geese and ducks have their little ones without fail, some survive and most don’t. Only the strong ones will, sometimes none do due to food chain of life around the pond, our pond is 100 years old. I love to watch the hawk soar high into the sky, the flight of the blue heron with his long legs trailing behind him, the smaller birds attacking the hawk to protect their young, and all the birds crying out because a black snake is in the tree.
Take time to enjoy nature around you, a star lit sky with a full moon, beautiful sunset with the most amazing colors, sunrise over the ocean is breathe taking, take a ride in the fall to see the leaves put on their show of color, take a walk and see the waterfalls and their power, or just take a walk around your neighborhood an really look at the flowers, different trees, kids laughing and playing and enjoy life to its fullest.
With all the new building of apartment complexes in the neighborhood going up it is nice to sit down and enjoy the wild life, as the circle of life continues without us as they have adapted to their new surroundings. Every spring the geese and ducks have their little ones without fail, some survive and most don’t. Only the strong ones will, sometimes none do due to food chain of life around the pond, our pond is 100 years old. I love to watch the hawk soar high into the sky, the flight of the blue heron with his long legs trailing behind him, the smaller birds attacking the hawk to protect their young, and all the birds crying out because a black snake is in the tree.
Take time to enjoy nature around you, a star lit sky with a full moon, beautiful sunset with the most amazing colors, sunrise over the ocean is breathe taking, take a ride in the fall to see the leaves put on their show of color, take a walk and see the waterfalls and their power, or just take a walk around your neighborhood an really look at the flowers, different trees, kids laughing and playing and enjoy life to its fullest.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Understading Our Self and Limits
People differ greatly in the amount of anxiety and worry they can stand: some can endure a great deal without being adversely affected, while others soon show signs of strain. You should observe yourself closely, so that you understand your own powers of endurance. By this means you will learn to divest yourself before any harm is done.
Razi: Kitab al-Muluki
Some of us can endure more than others, with pain, stress, anger, or grief; we each know our limits that we can tolerate before we give in. We all try our best not to show those we love that we are in pain or are suffering. We try to be strong and do it on our own, without asking for help when we really need it then. Some of us are too proud or don’t want you to see them at their weakest moment in time. They want you to see them as strong that they still can do it all, when in reality you can’t do what you once did. We have to accept our failures in that we will be strong again to accept help when they offer, without being offended or having feelings of being inept. We have to know our limits and accept them all.
Razi: Kitab al-Muluki
Some of us can endure more than others, with pain, stress, anger, or grief; we each know our limits that we can tolerate before we give in. We all try our best not to show those we love that we are in pain or are suffering. We try to be strong and do it on our own, without asking for help when we really need it then. Some of us are too proud or don’t want you to see them at their weakest moment in time. They want you to see them as strong that they still can do it all, when in reality you can’t do what you once did. We have to accept our failures in that we will be strong again to accept help when they offer, without being offended or having feelings of being inept. We have to know our limits and accept them all.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
TRAVELING
With our economy in dire straits now I know that some will not be able to travel far, but if it is something that you had wanted to do go for it, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
When we went to San Diego between surgeries, it was the best that my husband could have done for me. To relax and enjoy the fantastic view from the pool area of the mountains that surrounded the hotel was uplifting mentality, physically, and spirituality and that helped me prepare for the second surgery.
Before we go anywhere, be it in the US or over seas, I call the doctors office to tell them we where going away and that I need records of what was done to me. They sent me copies of Doctors statement of what was done and how I am right now, latest blood work, copies of the reports of ct scans and x-rays. I also made a sheet that have all my doctors listed with phone numbers, list of medications that I am taking or had taken but not longer like the heated chemotherapy, vaccinations, and allergies, that I have no spleen and list the operations that I had done from newest to oldest.
If something happens, then I am ready, I travel to enjoy life to the fullest but you also have to consider all possibilities that could happen and be prepared the best you can.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Last Thought for the Day
Most women are often misdiagnosed with Ovarian Cancer when in fact they have some form of PMP. If you do have surgery and they find PMP and want to start chemotherapy ask for a second opinion first.
The chemotherapy makes it harder to do some surgeries if it is PMP of any form. Radiation therapy does not work on PMP, doesn’t do anything to it. PMP is mucus looks like amber colored Jello, not solid. The color for the ribbons of PMP or Cancer of Appendix if we would make them is amber. Really make some time some time to do research or if you can‘t fathom it right now have someone else do it. If you truly think about it, you really need to have a second, third or even fourth opinion. Make sure you take or send all your work up papers with you, x-rays, ct scans, all blood work that was done, tissue samples or slides, pathology reports etc. Most doctors will send them for you or have them ready for you to take. Start you own file, some people get the x-rays or scans originals or copies, some doctors do them on CDs now ask them for your preferred way. I received all the copies of the final reports, path, surgery, x-rays, ct scans, blood etc and put them in a three ring binder, which is getting loaded and have to buy another soon. Take someone with you; some times you don’t hear everything said because you are focusing on what he just said so much information in a short amount of time at his office.
Visit the PMP Information Site, the doctors who specialize in PMP are listed there and there is a wealth of information that is there and added to regularly. If you want you can email me, just hit the link and post.
The chemotherapy makes it harder to do some surgeries if it is PMP of any form. Radiation therapy does not work on PMP, doesn’t do anything to it. PMP is mucus looks like amber colored Jello, not solid. The color for the ribbons of PMP or Cancer of Appendix if we would make them is amber. Really make some time some time to do research or if you can‘t fathom it right now have someone else do it. If you truly think about it, you really need to have a second, third or even fourth opinion. Make sure you take or send all your work up papers with you, x-rays, ct scans, all blood work that was done, tissue samples or slides, pathology reports etc. Most doctors will send them for you or have them ready for you to take. Start you own file, some people get the x-rays or scans originals or copies, some doctors do them on CDs now ask them for your preferred way. I received all the copies of the final reports, path, surgery, x-rays, ct scans, blood etc and put them in a three ring binder, which is getting loaded and have to buy another soon. Take someone with you; some times you don’t hear everything said because you are focusing on what he just said so much information in a short amount of time at his office.
Visit the PMP Information Site, the doctors who specialize in PMP are listed there and there is a wealth of information that is there and added to regularly. If you want you can email me, just hit the link and post.
Giving Thanks
Thank God for Mike and my sons. How he hates the hospital he was with me every day, as much as he could. He and Sam would take turns staying the night for the second surgery. Mike was with me most of the time for the surgeries, but I could see how it was affecting him. He looked tired, worried, but he never said he was. He kept saying you are going to be all right. He was my strength and my rock through all of this. I remember my appetite was lousy and I got hungry for a strawberry milkshake from Cook Outs and a slice of New York pizza. He went and got them for me with the doctor’s ok. Doctor said anything that would help me eat and help start moving the bowels would be all right. Cookout and New York Pizza are on opposite sides of the city, but he went for me. I will never forget what all he had done for me. Mike did everything for me, encouraging me to eat, encouraging me to walk, helping me with everything and then he did all the things I used to do in the house. He cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, run the sweeper everything. I am blessed to have him as my husband, friend and lover. My boys really did the best they could, they also hate hospitals I am proud of them for helping their dad out when he needed them the most. They are the future; they gave me a different source of strength and courage to fight on just by looking at them and seeing the future in their eyes.
To the question of "Why Me?"..."Why not?" God will not give me more then I can handle and with Him I can handle what is given. It took some time to really understand that, but I know now that I can handle what is given to me. I did not say that it would be easy, sometimes it might be but this time it was hard ...to really face death and to come to terms with it, accept it and say ... I am ready to die. You never know what the outcome will be when you go to surgery. You expect to come out, but some don't. Never under estimate the power of prayer, so many people prayed for me and I am thankful they did.
Really how do we know where we will be in 5, 10 or 20 years? God willing I will be around to make it for 10 years after surgery. I will be 62 years old...oh my I will be getting old. Lol :) I did have my doctor from Duke University and the other from Wake Forest Medical Center. I had the best with out even realizing it at the time. Prayer does wonders. I could not have survived with out faith in God and know that there is a plan for me; it might not be the one I had in mind, but his.
To the question of "Why Me?"..."Why not?" God will not give me more then I can handle and with Him I can handle what is given. It took some time to really understand that, but I know now that I can handle what is given to me. I did not say that it would be easy, sometimes it might be but this time it was hard ...to really face death and to come to terms with it, accept it and say ... I am ready to die. You never know what the outcome will be when you go to surgery. You expect to come out, but some don't. Never under estimate the power of prayer, so many people prayed for me and I am thankful they did.
Really how do we know where we will be in 5, 10 or 20 years? God willing I will be around to make it for 10 years after surgery. I will be 62 years old...oh my I will be getting old. Lol :) I did have my doctor from Duke University and the other from Wake Forest Medical Center. I had the best with out even realizing it at the time. Prayer does wonders. I could not have survived with out faith in God and know that there is a plan for me; it might not be the one I had in mind, but his.
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