On August 20, 2012 my Cancer is still in remission. 7 years, others I have known and became friends with have died. They have fought a good battle to the end.
The most important lessons learned from them are : never give up, keep your faith, you have to have a good relationship with your doctor, get at least second opinion maybe third or fourth, keep track (records), of your medical records, tell your family members you love them each day..you never know when it will be your last and live each day fully as you are able.
7 years out and when the time comes for blood work, x-rays, ct scans, and echo-cardiograms, I still freak out and worry until the results are in.When I get sick I still worry is it coming back.
Live each day to the fullest. Laugh often. Tell them you Love them.

Never Give Up!!

4.5 Years

For my 4.5 years anniversary my husband Mike took me to Las Vegas and we stayed at the new resort-spa-casino M. With our stay there was tickets to see Journey.Mike surpised me and attended the concert also. Looking back at the concert and stay I feel renewed. I haven't let myself enjoy life to the fullest because I was afraid. The theme of their 2009 tour was "Don't Stop Believing." Isn't that the truth in one simple sentence. I believe that I will make it to 10 years and more if God wills it. Those 5 days and 4 nights in Vegas were memorable. We both acted like we where in our 20's and enjoyed our seleves to the fullest and I would not change one thing we did. My 4.5 check up is in December this time as I was away, but I am not afraid anymore of it. As the time nears I might get a little worried of the scans, but I won't stop believeing.

4 years

It is 4 years since my first surgery. I feel blessed that I am alive, others are not so lucky, they have recurrent growth of the mucus or have died. I am no different than others who have this disease,but the question comes back, "Why me?" ever so slightly in the back of my mind. Sometimes I feel guilty about being alive, when others I have come to know have died.
I have done what I wanted to do so far.. to see Sam graduate from Northeastern University in May of 2008 and moved to his own apartment in New York. Not married yet has to find a job then in a couple of years they will. Zaky has his drivers licence and he went to the prom. He will be graduating from high school on June 5th of this year.. and is going to school in Avondale AZ to become a Master Technician in automotive repair.
We have traveled to many lands and have taken in some amazing sites and I am thankful for my husband Mike for all that he has done for me.
Celebrate life!

FEELINGS

Ever since my operations I start wondering "Why am I here." A lot of others have the worse kind, why not me? Yes it is 3 years, do I feel like it will come back..all the time. I know I should be optimistic, but those feeling creep in sometimes. I am thankful to God I am alive. Holidays are the worst, thinking about others who have died from this cancer. At Thanksgiving let us all give thanks for all who have departed and that those of us left behind are here because of them and what we learned from them.
I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving.

3 YEAR CHECK UP

It has been three years now since my 2nd operation. PMP side all clear on ct scans and chest x-ray; blood work CEA normal range. Heart is stable for now down the road something will have to be done. I have a Left Bundle Branch Block found on the first surgery. I am here alive and kicking after two major and life threatening surgeries and I am thankful to GOD be here.

BEAUTY of NATURE

This afternoon while washing dishes I looked outside through the widow across the yard and up the hill there was a mother doe with her two young ones eating care free with no worries. It made me smile and filled my heart with joy, our housing plan is 19 years + or - years old. There used to be a lot of deer roaming around our house when we bought it then it stopped. I thought they moved to another location, occasionally one would show up briefly then would not see them for awhile. A red fox also walked by twice going up the sewer drainage path then he turned around and walked back into the woods. Haven’t seen a fox for a long time here it was refreshing to see him and the deer both out and about the neighborhood.
With all the new building of apartment complexes in the neighborhood going up it is nice to sit down and enjoy the wild life, as the circle of life continues without us as they have adapted to their new surroundings. Every spring the geese and ducks have their little ones without fail, some survive and most don’t. Only the strong ones will, sometimes none do due to food chain of life around the pond, our pond is 100 years old. I love to watch the hawk soar high into the sky, the flight of the blue heron with his long legs trailing behind him, the smaller birds attacking the hawk to protect their young, and all the birds crying out because a black snake is in the tree.
Take time to enjoy nature around you, a star lit sky with a full moon, beautiful sunset with the most amazing colors, sunrise over the ocean is breathe taking, take a ride in the fall to see the leaves put on their show of color, take a walk and see the waterfalls and their power, or just take a walk around your neighborhood an really look at the flowers, different trees, kids laughing and playing and enjoy life to its fullest.

Understading Our Self and Limits

People differ greatly in the amount of anxiety and worry they can stand: some can endure a great deal without being adversely affected, while others soon show signs of strain. You should observe yourself closely, so that you understand your own powers of endurance. By this means you will learn to divest yourself before any harm is done.
Razi: Kitab al-Muluki

Some of us can endure more than others, with pain, stress, anger, or grief; we each know our limits that we can tolerate before we give in. We all try our best not to show those we love that we are in pain or are suffering. We try to be strong and do it on our own, without asking for help when we really need it then. Some of us are too proud or don’t want you to see them at their weakest moment in time. They want you to see them as strong that they still can do it all, when in reality you can’t do what you once did. We have to accept our failures in that we will be strong again to accept help when they offer, without being offended or having feelings of being inept. We have to know our limits and accept them all.